Tag: nonprofit humor

Yo mama is a double-dipper: Funders’ micromanaging of nonprofits must stop

Posted on by Vu

yo-mama-so-u1m9g5In the nonprofit sector, there are few things as grave as “double-dipping.” DD is a no-good, very bad thing. In fact, I imagine if we had a nonprofit trash-talking contest, it would go like this:

Nonprofiteer 1: #yononprofitmama so inconsiderate, she attends a meeting and doesn’t sign in.

Audience: Oh! Burn!

Nonprofiteer 2: Oh yeah? Well, #yononprofitmama so inexperienced in finance, she doesn’t know the difference between a fiscal year and a calendar year.

Audience: Oh no! You didn’t just say that about his mother!

Nonprofiteer 1: #yononprofitmama so unethical, she asked a funder or donor to pay for something that is already paid for by another funder or donor, thus, she is therefore double-dipping.

Audience: (Stunned silence) Continue reading “Yo mama is a double-dipper: Funders’ micromanaging of nonprofits must stop”

Ten resolutions for the nonprofit sector for 2015

Posted on by Vu

australia-699228_640pdEvery New Year, many of us make resolutions to do things to improve ourselves. Of course, many of us skip doing this, because we are perfect. In fact, in some cultures, beer bellies and love handles are considered attractive, so if people have issues with them, then they’re obviously culturally incompetent and should attend a workshop.

As 2015 starts, it is important for us not to just make resolutions for ourselves, but also for our organizations, and for our field. We, as individuals and as a sector, are constantly busy doing stuff that we often don’t take enough time to gaze into the distance and think strategically. As I write this, I recall some profound words from one of my mentors when we were having lunch a while ago: “I always choose the curried chicken.” Wait, no, that’s not it. She said, “Are you spending enough time on the balcony versus the dance floor?” We are always dancing. We nonprofit professionals need to get on the balcony more often.

So let’s start 2015 off right and make it the most awesome year ever! With the help of the NWB Facebook community, I’m recapping a list of resolutions that I am hoping all of us will seriously adopt sector-wide: Continue reading “Ten resolutions for the nonprofit sector for 2015”

Nonprofit With Ball’s revolutionary note-taking system

Posted on by Vu

Hi everyone. I hope you are still in the middle of your break and are catching up on your favorite shows and spending time with your family. Or just sleeping. Our sector needs it, and you deserve it, you sexy smart hardworking nonprofiteer you. I have been off for a week, and it’s given me a lot of time to have profound and life-changing thoughts. Thoughts like “I should probably clean my fridge. I think the molds are starting to evolve into advanced civilizations.”

Anyway, one of the thoughts is, “Dude, I need to have a better note-taking system!” (Warning: This is probably not going to be the most exciting NWB blog post. Here, make yourself a nonprofit cocktail while you read this.) Continue reading “Nonprofit With Ball’s revolutionary note-taking system”

Unicorns, time for our sector to take a break!

Posted on by Vu

sleeping_unicorn_by_maleiva-d66gt3zMy fellow nonprofit professionals, I hope you are reading this from home, because I am calling for our sector to take a long and much needed break. If you are at the office, I want you to put down your pen, save your files, turn off your computer, and take a deep breath. Listen to me: You need to rest this week, and next week, and maybe even longer.

Our sector is an incredible one. It is full of smart, thoughtful, talented, and ridiculously good-looking and nice-smelling people. You are one of these people, you sexy unicorn you. Your brilliance is only surpassed by your dedication to your work and your passion for making the world better. I could not be prouder to work in such a kickass field alongside such kickass colleagues.

Now, 2014 is almost done. Stop whatever you are doing at this moment and make a list of stuff you’ve accomplished this year, because chances are you have been so busy working and freaking out about budgets and reports and crap that you haven’t noticed all the sweet and amazing things you made happen. Yup, because of you lives are better, communities are stronger, the world’s supply of happiness has increased, and we are getting steadily closer to equity and social justice. Give yourself a pat on the back. You are awesome. Continue reading “Unicorns, time for our sector to take a break!”

A nonprofit unicorn’s letter to Santa

Posted on by Vu

Dear Santa,

Some people say that you don’t exist. But I know you do, just like I know that equity and social justice and free food after board meetings exist. I am a nonprofit professional. I get to spend my time making the world better and writing reports. I love my job, but it can be tough. This year, for Christmas, I made a list of things I would like from you, if you think I’ve been nice and not naughty. I know you’re very busy, Santa, with so many people asking stuff from you—you’re technically a nonprofit too!—but even a few of these things below will help me out a lot and will make my work easier.

Things I would love for Christmas:

This sweet carpal tunnel brace! A lot of my work involves writing emails, grants, reports, and emails. This brace would be extremely helpful. If you could spare it, please get the family-size box of carpal tunnel braces so everyone on my team could have one too.

Continue reading “A nonprofit unicorn’s letter to Santa”