• Home
  • About
  • BOOK!!
  • Contact/FAQ
  • Shop
  • Speaking
  • Support NAF!
  • Advertise
  • Report Crappy Funders

Nonprofit AF

Exploring the fun and frustrations of nonprofit work

NAF logo
NAF logo
  • Home
  • About
  • BOOK!!
  • Contact/FAQ
  • Shop
  • Speaking
  • Support NAF!
  • Advertise
  • Report Crappy Funders

Funder Relations

7 annoying things nonprofits do and say that get on funders’ nerves

Posted on June 30, 2014 by Vu

irritatedHappy Monday, everyone. Last week, I wrote about annoying things that funders say to us nonprofits. Now, I want to stress again that funders and fundees are in symbiotic relationship. Like those ants that live on that one tree. Or those billions of probiotic bacteria that thrive in a healthy stomach. Nonprofits cannot do our work without funding, and funders can’t do their work without nonprofits. And no one can do their work without a healthy stomach, which is why all of us—funders and NPOs—should eat more yogurt and kimchi.

Anyway, after last week’s post, I got emails from a few funders who wanted to point out that nonprofits say and do annoying things also. At this point, you may have spewed coffee at your computer screen in shock and indignation. We nonprofits are unicorns! We never do anything annoying! Well, here are some things I was asked to mention. Let’s hear our funding friends out. And let’s keep in mind that I am only the messenger here. Like Shakira in those Activia probiotic yogurt commercials, but maybe slightly less attractive.Continue reading →

Posted in Funder Relations, Fundraising, Grantwriting, Unicorns 7 Comments

7 Annoying things funders say, and what we wish they (you) would say instead

Posted on June 23, 2014 by Vu

Kaziranga National Park reopens for visitorsHappy summer, everyone. A colleague wrote me recently, saying “I just received an email from a well-known foundation (that supports us) mentioning that they ‘are all out of town all of this week for a conference in Hawaii.’ I just spent 2 months working my a** off on our annual event raising just $35,000…” She asked me to write about things that funders should never mention to folks working in the nonprofit world

Now, funders are awesome and play a very important and symbiotic role in the nonprofit ecosystem. It would be hard for us nonprofit egrets to do our work if the…uh…rain doesn’t fall and the…um….savannah grass is not green enough to feed the rhinoceroses who…uh…do whatever it is that rhinoceroses do in this metaphor, which made a lot more sense yesterday after I had several beers. But once in a while, likely inadvertently, funders say things that get on our nerves. I asked Nonprofit With Balls readers as well as all my ED friends to tell me what they wished funders would stop saying. Here are the top ones:Continue reading →

Posted in Capacity Building, Funder Relations, Fundraising, nonprofit field, Unicorns 10 Comments

The game of nonprofit, and how it leaves some communities behind

Posted on June 16, 2014 by Vu

Game-of-Thrones-S3E7-02-e1368427519542A while ago I attended a meeting coordinated by a major local funder. The topic was “Lessons from Game of Thrones we can apply to nonprofit work.” All right, that wasn’t the topic, although that would have made for a much livelier discussion and will be a blog post here soon enough. No, we were talking about Community Engagement. Once again we were talking about community engagement, because it is becoming more and more apparent that voices of communities of color are missing from almost every table on every issue—the environment; education; housing; transportation; food equity; employment; scrimshaw, the ancient art of carving on whale bones, etc.—and everyone is banging their heads against the wall trying to figure out what the heck is going on.Continue reading →

Posted in Community Engagement, Cultural Competency, ED Life, Funder Relations, leadership, nonprofit field 20 Comments

If You Give a Board Treasurer a Cookie, and other classic children’s books about nonprofit work

Posted on May 27, 2014 by Vu

Today, I want to talk about children’s books. I am so sick of these children’s books that my one-year-old makes me read each day. You try to see how charming “Guess How Much I Love You” is after the 80th time! All right, nutbrown hares, we get it, you love each other, great! And yes, brown bear, brown bear, you see a red bird, awesome, and red bird, red bird, you see a blue horse, wonderful.

But then I got this great idea! I should write children’s books! They are short as hell! And if one becomes a best-seller, I’ll be rich, rich! The conventional wisdom is to write about stuff that you know. And what do I know? Nonprofit work, of course. I can write children’s books about nonprofit work! Here are some that I’ve started working on. There is so much that children can learn from our field. Just imagine parents reading these books to their kids each night. Maybe these books might even inspire some kids to grow up wanting to be nonprofit warriors. Read these texts below, and let me know what you think, and other children’s book ideas you have.

The Runaway ED

runaway 2Once upon a time there was an Executive Director, and she wanted to run away. So she said to her board chair, “I am going to run away.”

Her board chair said, “If you run away, I will come and find you and bring you back, for you are my Executive Director.”

“If you come and find me,” said the ED, “then I will become a strategic plan and hide on the shelf.”

“If you become a strategic plan and hide on the shelf,” said her board chair, “then I will become an intern who accidentally stumbles on you.”

“If you become an intern who accidentally stumbles on me, then I will become a raw piece of cauliflower on a snack platter at a community gathering, which no one will eat.”

“If you become a raw piece of cauliflower on a snack platter at a community gathering, which no one will eat, I will become a desperate hungry vegan and find you.”

“If you become a desperate hungry vegan who will find me,” said the ED, “then I will become an invitation-only foundation that is like Fort Knox to get through.”

“If you become an invitation-only Foundation that is like Fort Knox to get through, I will become the best friend of one of the trustees’ daughters and I will get through to you.”

“Aw, shucks,” said the ED, “well, in that case, I might as well stay here and be your ED.”

And she did.

“Can I have a raise?” she asked.

“No.”

If You Give a Board Treasurer a Cookie

If you give a board treasurer a cookie, he may ask who’s paying for the cookie.

When you answer that you’re using funds he approved on the budget, he’s probably going to ask to see a copy of the budget.

When you give him the budget, he’s going to ask for the latest balance sheet.

When you show him the balance sheet, it may remind him of a training he attended about the importance of opening a line of credit.

He’ll ask you to open a line of credit. He might get carried away and say he’ll go to the bank himself.

When he goes to the bank, he might notice that your signatories are not up to date.

He’ll send out an email to the finance committee asking to discuss this at the next meeting.

You’ll have to coordinate the meeting and remind everyone. And of course, you have to get snacks.

And chances are…cookies will be on sale.

 

The Very Tired Development Director

In the light of a fluorescent lamp, a Development Director sat hunched over an organization’s fundraising plan.

On Monday, he organized one luncheon, but the organization still needed money.

On Tuesday, he applied to two employee giving campaigns, but the organization still needed money.

On Wednesday, he launched three crowd-funding initiatives, but the organization still needed money.

On Thursday, he wrote four grants, but the organization still needed money.

On Friday, he called five major donors, but the organization still needed money.

On Saturday, he wrote 10 thank-you emails, sent out 18 handwritten notecards, went to coffee with 5 potential donors, checked the grant calendar, looked at the annual event program brochures of 9 similar organizations to scan their sponsors, called 4 board members to remind them of their tasks, emailed 3 local businesses, and led a program tour. He was exhausted.

The next day was Sunday again. The Development Director stayed at home and spent time with his family, and he felt much better.

He was due for a much-needed vacation, so he took some time off. A week later he came back and…

He was still an awesome Development Director who continued to keep the organization and its important work going.

 

The Giving Nonprofit

Once there was nonprofit organization, and it loved the community and the funders supporting its work. Every year, the organization would continue to serve the people in its community. And each year, funders would provide funding so it could continue its programs. And the organization loved its funders and its community very much. And the community was happy.

But time went by, and the nonprofit and its programs grew older. The funders didn’t come as frequently, and the nonprofit was often left alone.

Then one day, a funder passed by, and the nonprofit said, “Come, funder, come to my programs and meet the kids we serve and let’s make the community better.”

“My foundation has shifted its priorities,” said the funder, “we only fund new and innovative programs. Do you do anything new and innovative?”

“I’m sorry,” said the nonprofit, “we have been building this program for several years. It is not new. But it is good, and it serves many wonderful people.”

And the funder left, and the nonprofit was sad again.

Then one day, another funder passed by, and the nonprofit said, “Come, let’s have lunch and talk about our community. Support our work and help kids achieve a brighter future.”

“We no longer fund direct service work,” said the funder, “that’s a Band-Aid solution. Do you do Collective Impact?”

“I’m sorry,” said the nonprofit, “we have been involved, but not significantly, since our community still needs direct service.”

And so the funder left and went far, far away. The nonprofit was now very tired and sad.

And after a long time, another funder came by.

“I’m sorry,” said the nonprofit, “I don’t have anything innovative, just good programs that serve people. My programs only target specific neighborhoods, not whole states, in case you want something farther reaching. The programs serve unique populations, so they might not be scalable, in case that’s what you seek. I am not sure I have anything that you might like to fund.”

“It’s OK,” said the funder, “we provide general operating grants focused on outcomes, and I heard you do some great stuff, so here is a grant so you can continue to serve the community.”

And the nonprofit was happy.

And its staff went to happy hour.

***

For more nonprofit kids’ books, read “Where the Sustainable Things Are” and other nonprofit children’s books

And also part 3, “Green Eggs and Strategic Plans” and other nonprofit children’s books

***

Make Mondays suck a little less. Get a notice each Monday morning when a new post arrives. Subscribe to NWB by scrolling to the top right of this page and enter in your email address.

Posted in Community Engagement, Donor Relations, ED Life, Funder Relations, Fundraising, nonprofit field, Random stuff, Unicorns 30 Comments

General operating funds, admin expenses, and why we nonprofits are our own worst enemies

Posted on May 19, 2014 by Vu

sophia 2This week I was on an NDOA panel to discuss the importance of unrestricted funds. I was there with another nonprofit leader as well as two funders, and all of us, everyone in the room, agreed that general operating funds are awesome. General operating funds are like Tyrion Lannister of Game of Thrones, or Darryl Dixon of The Walking Dead, or, you know, Sophia from The Golden Girls: It is flexible, it is adaptable, and that’s why it gets stuff done.

For years I have been railing against restricted funding to anyone who would listen. I wrote a piece imagining what it would be like if a bakery ran with the same funding restrictions as a nonprofit: “I need a cake for some gluten-free veterans. I can pay you only 20% of the cost of the cake, and you can only spend my money on eggs, but not butter, and certainly not for the electricity; you have to find someone else to pay for the oven’s electricity. Also, you need to get an accounting firm to figure out where you’re spending my money, but you can’t use my money to pay for that service.” (Read the full post: “Nonprofit funding: Ordering a cake and restricting it too“).Continue reading →

Posted in Donor Relations, Funder Relations, nonprofit field 33 Comments

  • Previous
  • Page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 30
  • Page 31
  • Page 32
  • Page 33
  • Page 34
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 36
  • Next

Primary Sidebar

Grant Station Ad

Support NAF
FOLLOW NAF BY EMAIL. MAKE TUESDAYS SUCK LESS!
Enter your email address below and get notice of hilarious new posts each Tuesday morning. Unsubscribe at any time.

Random Posts

  • Testing: Please tell me you got email notice of this new NonprofitAF blog post!
  • It’s time to expand our perspectives and conversations in fundraising
  • Are you perpetuating inequity while engaging in Community-Centric Fundraising?
  • Annual performance reviews suck. Here’s how to make them better. Or maybe we should just ditch them.
  • 10 Game of Thrones quotes you can use at work

Share NAF

FOLLOW NAF BY EMAIL. MAKE TUESDAYS SUCK LESS!

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 51.5K other subscribers

Recent Posts

  • Donors and funders, instead of freaking out or being numb, here are things you can do to fight fascism:
  • Annual performance reviews suck. Here’s how to make them better. Or maybe we should just ditch them.
  • Funders, please stop trying to be unique snowflakes
  • How to stay motivated when everything is on fire and you look and feel like crap
  • Instructions on not giving up: Let’s conserve our energy for the battles ahead

Categories

  • AI (1)
  • Board Relations (32)
  • Capacity Building (31)
  • Community Engagement (79)
  • Community organizing (10)
  • Cultural Competency (46)
  • Data (7)
  • Donor Relations (48)
  • ED Life (86)
  • Finance (34)
  • Funder Relations (179)
  • funding (18)
  • Fundraising (213)
  • Grantwriting (119)
  • Hiring (6)
  • Humor (59)
  • leadership (87)
  • Marketing (6)
  • nonprofit (10)
  • nonprofit field (311)
  • Office Culture (82)
  • Personal (36)
  • philanthropy (36)
  • Policy and Advocacy (21)
  • Race, Equity, Diversity, Inclusion (120)
  • Random stuff (89)
  • self-care (26)
  • Special Events (25)
  • Staff Dynamics (31)
  • Uncategorized (40)
  • Unicorns (62)
  • US Culture (17)
  • volunteers (4)
  • Work-Life Balance (31)
  • Writing (1)
  • Zombies (14)

Archives

Tags

board board of directors capacity building collective impact communities of color community-centric fundraising community engagement cultural competency diversity donors equity feedback foundations funders funding funding dynamics fundraising game of thrones grantmaking grants grantwriting hiring hummus humor inclusion leadership nonprofit nonprofit funding nonprofit humor overhead oxford comma philanthropy power dynamics race restricted funding salary Seahawks self-care social justice special events sustainability taxes Thanksgiving unicorn unicorns

© Vu Le NWB Consulting
Design: SN