Hi everyone, happy holidays. I hope that you are taking it easy these next couple of weeks. This week, instead of reading serious articles about our sector, I learned about the dark origins of Christmas carols. Apparently, back in the olden days, carolers were drunk hooligans who went door-to-door demanding to be let in and served your best food and booze, and could get rowdy and belligerent if you turn them away.
So of course, that inspired me to re-write some of our holiday songs. Why don’t you learn them, and then we can try old-school caroling as a novel fundraising technique. Suggest other #nonprofitholidaysongs in the comment section and on Twitter.
I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas
I’m dreaming of a green Christmas
Just like I do each end of year
When our revenues dwindle
But hope for donations rekindled
To end December in the clear
I’m dreaming of a green Christmas
With each of 800 letters that I sign
With these words may your heart be swayed
Won’t you donate to our mission today?
Carol of the Grants
Type type type type
Type type type type…
Hark how the grants, sweet, hopeful grants
All seem to scream, your org can dream
Review the RFP, easy as can be;
Write an LOI, reach for the sky
Type type type type; try not to gripe
Yay, made it through; full proposal’s due
Jeeze why the heck, is this so complex?
This hurts my brain, this grant’s inane
Answers in haikus, dammit it we’re screwed;
Budget page, wow; this will take hours
Hitting a wall; break, nature calls
Are you kidding me? Sustainability?
Really you ask for 18 attachments?
Really you ask for 18 attachments?
Whatever, just hit send; this needs to end
I cannot think; I need a drink
Type type type type
Type type type type
I need a drink
I…need…a…drink….
An Auditor is Coming to Town
Oh we better not slack
Better not freeze
Better look back
At all our entries
An auditor is coming to town
She’s visiting our site
Reviewing our stuff
Gotta make sure the finance’s up to snuff
An auditor is coming to town
She knows when we’ve been overspending
She knows when we conflate
She knows when don’t follow protocols
So we better not obfuscate
Last Christmas, I gave you a check
Last Christmas I gave you a check
I waited for weeks, but you had nothing to say
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to another mission (mission)
Once given, and twice shy
I didn’t expect much, but a thank-you note would be nice
Tell me, baby, why won’t you acknowledge me?
Don’t give the excuse that your CRM is sucky
I wrote the check and sent it
With a note saying “unrestricted”–I meant it
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you call me now, I might donate again
Last Christmas I gave you a check
I waited for weeks, but you had nothing to say
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to another mission (mission)
I Have a Logic Model
I have a logic model
Was told I needed one
That when they see my flow chart
My program they will fund
Oh, logic, logic model
With outcomes I can shout
Logic, logic model
You simplify what it’s all about
It has some lovely columns
With boxes and some lines
And when you follow the arrows
The impact’s well-defined
Oh, logic, logic model
With outcomes I can shout
Logic, logic model
You simplify what it’s all about
My logic model’s awesome
Some funders think it’s cool
They better stick with this thing
And not ask for some other tool
Oh, logic, logic model
With outcomes I can shout
Logic, logic model
You simplify what it’s all about
12 Days of Nonprofit Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
A stressful job that I love
On the second day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the third day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the fourth day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the fifth day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Five organizational values
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the sixth day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Six talks on equity
Five organizational values
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the seventh day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Seven consultants advising
Six talks on equity
Five organizational values
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the eighth day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Eight donors giving
Seven consultants advising
Six talks on equity
Five organizational values
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the ninth day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Nine board members planning
Eight donors giving
Seven consultants advising
Six talks on equity
Five organizational values
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the tenth day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Ten funders funding
Nine board members planning
Eight donors giving
Seven consultants advising
Six talks on equity
Five organizational values
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Eleven volunteers a helping
Ten funders funding
Nine board members planning
Eight donors giving
Seven consultants advising
Six talks on equity
Five organizational values
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my nonprofit gave to me
Twelve clients smiling
Eleven volunteers a helping
Ten funders funding
Nine board members planning
Eight donors giving
Seven consultants advising
Six talks on equity
Five organizational values
Four great coworkers
Three team retreats
Two containers of hummus
And a stressful job that I love
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Happy holidays, everyone. Thank you for all your do each day.
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