nonprofit humor – Page 8

Imagine if Apple had to run like a nonprofit

Posted on June 25, 2017June 26, 2017 by Vu

We nonprofits deal with unique challenges that our for-profit colleagues never have to think about. If you ever sat in the dark for hours listening to REM and eating Otter Pops and wondering what it would like for a large for-profit like Apple to have to run like a nonprofit, wonder no more! I’ve done it for you this week! (What, like your vacation is so much more interesting). And I asked NAF’s web designer and artist, Stacy Nguyen, to draw up some comics.

At the retail store

Customer: Hi, I’d like to buy this latest iPhone. How much is it?

Apple employee: $700 dollars.

Customer: Here you go. But I want most of this money to be spent on direct costs. No more than $70 should be going to indirect costs like rent, insurance, etc. I also don’t want any of this $700 to go toward advertisement or staff salaries.

Apple employee: We’ll designate these restrictions in our systems.

Customer: At the end of the year, I’d like a report on what you spent this money on.

Apple employee: We provide quarterly financial reports, and would be glad—

Customer: No no no. I don’t want the financial reports on your entire company. I only want a report on what my $700 specifically was spent on. Only my $700.

Apple employee: OK…Would you like to be added to our e-newsletter list? Continue reading “Imagine if Apple had to run like a nonprofit”

Disorganized colleagues, stop feeling bad and own your chaotic brilliance!

Posted on June 4, 2017April 25, 2019 by Vu

Hi everyone. As usual I procrastinated in writing this blog post—look, House of Cards season five is not going to binge-watch itself while eating an entire container of vegan chocolate ice cream. I don’t know how this blog post will turn out or whether it will include pictures of wombats for some reason. (Update: It definitely includes a picture of wombats).

Since the beginning of time society has had a bias toward the Type-A individuals, they with their to-do lists, and their “bullet journals,” and their “inbox zero,” and their “daily flossing.” We tend to look down upon the disorganized, equating cleanliness with godliness, and having other sayings related to being neat and orderly. These messages have been pushed so hard that those who are disorganized in their work and personal lives are left feeling like crap. Continue reading “Disorganized colleagues, stop feeling bad and own your chaotic brilliance!”

How Earth-friendly is your nonprofit or foundation? Take this quiz to find out

Posted on April 17, 2017April 17, 2017 by Vu

[Image description: An image of the earth, craddled between two bright green leaves, as if it were a fruit growing out of a plant. The background is completely black]

Hi everyone. Before we begin today’s post, a couple of announcements. First, just a reminder my organization is hiring a Development Director and an Operations Associate. We will begin interviewing soon.

Second, RVC is launching a naming rights campaign. We aim to name everything in the office—from the conference room to the fridge to the microwave to each of the cabinet drawers. Support RVC’s work developing leaders of color, and immortalize yourself, by naming a white board or shoe rack.

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Earth Day is coming up, and despite our sector being full of thoughtful and amazing people doing awesome work, let’s face it, many of us suck at being green. I was at a fundraising dinner with 500 attendees or so, and noticed that everyone got a 30-page glossy program booklet. Barely anyone took it home at the end of the event, which means that 489 program booklets ended up in recycling or trash. Multiply this by one billion events we have each year as a sector, and we’re basically destroying whole forests.

Maybe we should think about having only one or two booklets per table, and figure out other ways to recognize our sponsors. Plus, since they’re rarer, people might actually want them!

We also use a lot of disposable utensils for events: Cups, plates, forks, etc. They’re convenient. But maybe we should try to cut back, or use compostable stuff, or do both. And why isn’t edible utensils a thing yet?! I’d love to be able to just eat the plate and napkins when I’m done with my meals. Continue reading “How Earth-friendly is your nonprofit or foundation? Take this quiz to find out”

What’s your nonprofit unicorn name/title? Find out here

Posted on April 9, 2017April 10, 2017 by Vu

[Image description: A painting of three unicorns prancing in water. The unicorns are all white with spiral horns. All of them are facing our left, mostly in three-quarter profile. The sky and water are dark blue with splashes of white. Image obtained from Pixabay.com]

Hi everyone, I was writing a post about how we nonprofits can be more environmentally friendly. But yesterday was National Unicorn Day, so colleagues emailed me unicorn pictures and name generators. One of these generators has me as “Dandelion Pretty Pony” and has this description: “Dandelion is a little bit crazy. He is as pretty as a picture, and he brings the sunshine and chases away clouds.” Does that sound like me at all? Does that sound like any of us?! Not to mention it is insensitive to people with mental illness.

Like all of you, I’ve been kept awake by the sad and disrespectful state of unicorn name generators. So instead of finishing the post on being green—it’ll be published next Monday—I created a unicorn name chart specifically for us nonprofit (including foundation) unicorns. Find out what your #nonprofitunicornname and title are, and write them in the comment section. Don’t forget your nonprofit’s unicorn name, based on your org’s acronym. Share this post with your friends and colleagues.

Here’s a PDF file you can print (or not print) for your next board meeting, staff meeting, or volunteer orientation.

You’re welcome!

Continue reading “What’s your nonprofit unicorn name/title? Find out here”

What is partisan? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more

Posted on March 27, 2017March 27, 2017 by Vu

[Image description: A picture with the profiles of a dog and a cat, staring at each other. The dog is on the left. The top of its head is black, the band around its eyes is brown, and the band around its nose is white. The cat is on the right. It is mainly black, with a white nose and mouth and a thin streak of brown down its forehead. Neither of the animals’ bodies is shown.]

OK, everyone, we need to have a talk. Due to the current political climate, I’ve been noticing that many of us have been more curt and on attack-mode lately. The simplest disagreement sets off chains of arguments. Tension builds, insults fly, and someone ends up stabbed in the spleen. And that’s just over the Oxford Comma. #OxfordCommaForever #OxfordCommasSaveLives #ILoveYouOxfordComma #WillYouMarryMeOxfordComma

I’ve suggested some general agreements to help us have more civil conversations with one another when we don’t agree, rules like “Assume the best intention,” “Seek to understand,” and “No matter how angry you get, don’t bite anyone.” Let’s agree to be nicer to one another, OK? And let’s just be nicer to everyone, even the clueless turd donkeys who don’t agree with you and thus are clearly ugly and wrong. Continue reading “What is partisan? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more”