nonprofit humor

Dear business people, please stop bizsplaining things to us nonprofit folks

Posted on March 20, 2016 by Vu

Hi everyone, before we get into today’s topic, look, NWB merchandise is on sale!

All right, business pals, we need to have another talk. First of all, I love y’all. I just moved into a new house this week, and spent time at a hardware store trying to find these little thingies that hold up the shelves in my kitchen cabinets. They’re called “shelf pins,” and you can move them to different holes to lower or raise the shelves. Without some business somewhere making these little pins, my cabinet would not be able to fit my really tall bottles and it would just look awful. So yes, I am deeply appreciative for all the businesses out there doing all sorts of useful, interesting, and important stuff. I am glad you exist, and I am glad to pay money for the stuff you make and do.

But dude, the condescension needs to stop. Recently, I’ve noticed it has been in the form of explaining to us simple nonprofit bumpkins just how much better off we’d be if we just acted more like for-profit businesses. Sometimes it is conscious, most times it is not, but always it is irritating.

One time, I was showing a potential board member our Saturday morning program, which served 150 kids. It was his first visit, and he launched into a lecture about having a business plan. “We have a three-year strategic plan,” I said, and before I could elaborate, he interrupted to explain what a business plan was. He interrupted several times to explain various Important Business Concepts to me.Continue reading →

7 lessons nonprofits can learn from newborn babies

Posted on March 14, 2016 by Vu

Hi everyone, my apologies in advance, as today’s post may not be very coherent. On Friday, my son, Kiet Thomas Prinzing Le, was born (you can see a picture on Nonprofit Happy Hour). The little tyke came several days early, surprising all of us. I have not slept since then. It’s been a little rough, I won’t lie. I am barely lucid right now.

I said before that having a baby is like getting a giant multi-year highly-restricted grant. Like, “Congratulations, our foundation has decided to award you a million each year for 18 years. But every two hours, day or night, you have to get up and fill out an online survey while we scream at you in a high pitched voice.”

Except replace “fill out an online survey” with “change diapers.” I had forgotten what’s it’s like to have a newborn. The screaming, the spit ups, the clawing at the face. And that’s just me. Then there’s the meconium. It is a baby’s first poop, and like most strategic plans it is so dense and viscous that not even light can escape, thus giving it the color and consistency of roofing tar. You can only pray that you do not get any of this on your hand or hair, because only a caustic agent like gasoline or kombucha tea can dissolve it.Continue reading →

Dude, what’s with this notion that nonprofits don’t have clear outcomes?

Posted on March 7, 2016 by Vu

Hi everyone, this post will likely be my last coherent one for a while, because my second baby is due to arrive next Tuesday, March 15^th (Eeeeeeek!) I plan to keep up with my weekly writing schedule, because I have my priorities. But that means the next 20 posts or so will reflect the hallucinogenic, meandering thoughts of a sleep-deprived father of a toddler and a newborn. Grammar and spelling may be questionable, and there will probably be a lot of baby-related analogies, such as “Restricting funding is like using duct tape as a diaper; sure, it makes you feel clever, but—OMG, please please just go to sleep, Daddy is so tired!”

For some wacky reason that I can’t comprehend, there seems to be this pervasive notion that nonprofits don’t have clear outcomes. In the past few months, I’ve heard this several times in various places. At a leadership seminar last June, for example, a colleague from the business sector said, “Nonprofits are just so squishy on outcomes.” I think squishy was her exact word. Or maybe slippery. Or fishy? Whatever, it was not complimentary. I got so annoyed I had to look at several pictures of baby animals on my phone to calm down.
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You can’t have “Generous and Sexy” without Gen X

Posted on February 22, 2016 by Vu

Hi everyone, before we launch into today’s topic, here’s a very important announcement on something that may affect the future of our entire sector: Double-spacing after periods is dead. Dead, I tell you! Here’s the Proclamation I wrote after receiving over 500 comments on the subject. Please print it out and post it in your bathroom or another high-traffic place.

I wrote a few weeks ago, in 15 lessons for the nonprofit sector we learned in 2015, “Let’s stop stereotyping generations and instead treat people like the uniquely beautiful, or crappy, snowflakes that they are.” Since then, however, I’ve encountered even MORE articles on Millennials: “How to Get Millennial Donors to Give,” “How to Manage Millennials,” “How to Manage Yourself When a Millennial is Managing You,” “Studies Show Productivity Increase When Millennials Fed Sriracha-Flavored Craft Beer After Hot Yoga,” etc.

Depending on the definition, I am either Gen X or Millennial, but I’ve been an Executive Director long enough that I’ve aged twice as fast the last few years, placing me squarely into Gen X territory. However, I don’t care what generation you belong to as long as you do stuff and do it well and do it on time and you are pleasant, so I’m sick of all this handwringing about Millennials, and, to an almost equal degree, Boomers. But since the articles and books and documentaries and puppet shows about the generations are not going to go away any time soon, we as a field might as well bring some balance, and pay a little more attention to the Gen Xers. Here are some facts from Nonprofit Tech for Good and MarketWatch that all nonprofits need to be aware of:Continue reading →

The myth of double-dipping, and the destructiveness of restricted funding

Posted on February 16, 2016 by Vu

salsa-840249_960_720 I’ve written before about double-dipping being one of the worst accusations you can leverage against a nonprofit. It makes for an effective insult: “Your ED is so dumb, he went on eHarmony hoping to meet a logic model.” “Oh yeah? Well your org is so unethical, it reported that one funder paid for some food for a community gathering, but then also told another funder that they paid for the same food!” (#nonprofitinsults, in case you’re bored and want to start a new trend on Twitter)

I don’t want to keep harping on this subject, but it deserves to be harped on from time to time. Last week, I had a meeting with my team to talk about our finances. Specifically, we are spinning off into our own 501c3, and some of our funders want information on how the money they gave us has been spent before we transition. For the next hour, we dove into it, and I want to capture the gist of the conversation here, mainly because I think it will make an excellent scene when I begin working on “Nonprofit: The Musical” in earnest.Continue reading →