Category: Random stuff

Win a year’s supply of hummus through NWB’s poetry contest!

Posted on by Vu

To see the immense hole in the budget, immenser without youblue-259458_960_720
And the outcomes fall to the page like hummus to a plate.

What does it matter that we are an existing program?
The night is cold, and strong is the illusion of sustainability. 

In the distance, a program director weeps. In the distance.

—I Can Write the Saddest Grant Proposal Tonight

Happy Lunar New Year, everyone. I am proud to announce the first-ever Nonprofit With Balls Nonprofit Poetry Contest. Write a few verses and stanzas, and you too could win big bucks. Even better, the grand prize winner will be bestowed the title “Nonprofit Poet Laureate of the Milky Way Galaxy.” You probably have some questions, so I am going to try to answer them here:

Question: Why the heck are you doing this?
Answer: April, coming up, is National Poetry month, and the world aches for more poems about the nonprofit sector. There is so much beauty and complexity in our work. It is time we crystalize into stanzas the grandeur of the nonprofit world.

Question: What are the prizes?
Answer: Grand Prize, $750, and the title of Nonprofit Poet Laureate of the Milky Way Galaxy. Second Place, $500. Third Place, $250. All winners’ poems will be published on nonprofitwithballs.com. Honorary winners will also be chosen, but sorry, no cash. Continue reading “Win a year’s supply of hummus through NWB’s poetry contest!”

Common nonprofit terms and concepts and what they actually mean

Posted on by Vu

giraffes-627031_960_720Hi everyone, a colleague asked me to write a translation of nonprofit terminologies and concepts, which may be helpful to those who are thinking of going into nonprofit work. Since I was pressed for time this week (look, Narcos is not going to binge-watch itself on Netflix), I outsourced the task to the NWB Facebook Community, which is full of brilliant and hilarious people who don’t take themselves too seriously. Here are several of the suggestions, mainly copied verbatim. (Go to the Facebook page for the whole list). This is by no means comprehensive, so please add your own in the comment section:

Hiring

Salary commensurate with experience: We’re ashamed to actually say what it is, but it’s probably nowhere near commensurate with your experience level

Comprehensive benefits: You can take home leftover crackers AND half-drunk bottles of wine after donor receptions.

Welcomes diversity/seeks diverse leadership: You will be the first and/or only person of color on our board/staff/whatever

A dynamic work environment: We are really disorganized

Able to prioritize: You’ll have to decide whether it’s riskier to delay payment on the electric bill or the water bill

There were so many duties we decided to split the job: Your predecessor still works here, but is angry she was demoted, and won’t train you

We are embarking on a new phase: Everything else we’ve tried has been an epic failure, and you will now save us.

A fast-paced environment: We are overwhelmed, overworked and afflicted with this curse called a ‘vocation’, and the Board just keep piling it on.

Looking for someone passionate about the field: Applicants should be willing to accept being paid peanuts

Lots of opportunity: It literally could not get any worse. Continue reading “Common nonprofit terms and concepts and what they actually mean”

10 classic movies that could have been about nonprofit work

Posted on by Vu


humphrey-bogart-619157_960_720Despite the awesomeness and complexity of our work, and the fact that we employ 10% of the work force, and the fact that independent studies that I have commissioned found that we have the most attractive professionals among all the sectors, nonprofit is still neglected by the media and society at large. I’ve written about the need for more TV shows about our sector. And now, we need to push for more movies. Imagine how much more awesome some of our classic movies would have been, if they had been about nonprofit. Here are some of my ideas, along with potential quotes. #nonprofitmovielines. Go make that trend on Twitter, like you did with #nonprofitpickuplines.

A Few Good Donors: An up-and-coming Development Director tries to convince her ED to change their org’s fundraising strategies, in the process encountering resistance and a complex conspiracy involving budgets, CRMs, the board, and strategic planning. “You want answers? You want the truth?! An effective donor cultivation strategy takes time and resources!”

The Shawshank Restriction: Andy, a new Program Director learns too late that the organization that just hired him had gotten trapped by a burdensome and restrictive multi-year federal grant. The terrifying realities of restricted funding are explored as Andy works to save the remainder of his program and his sanity, using his skills and intelligence to gain the trust of his jaded colleagues and extract the program and organization out of the dilemma. “Get busy doing work, or get busy doing paperwork.” Continue reading “10 classic movies that could have been about nonprofit work”

Welcome back to work, you sexy Jedi unicorn

Posted on by Vu

write-593333_960_720My friends in the nonprofit sector—most of you are probably returning to work this week after a well-deserved break and are feeling “blegh.” Our field can be unrelenting, and even during the break, I know many of you were still answering emails and sending out year-end appeals. As you look at your calendar and the innumerable items on your to-do list, you may feel the urge to crawl under your desk and hold your knees while rocking and weeping. No one would think less of you for admitting today—and many other days—that you desperately wish to be back on your couch binge-watching Jessica Jones or Narcos on Netflix while eating an entire bag of Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. It is OK. Most of us are feeling crappy today, and some of us look crappy to match our moods. You are not alone.

But take heart, for you are a sexy unicorn who uses its horn of equity to stab injustice in the face and help build a beautiful and vibrant community. Take a look in the mirror. Damn, that is one good-looking nonprofit professional. How do you manage to look so stylish in that Ross “Dress for Less” shirt, you stunner, you? Continue reading “Welcome back to work, you sexy Jedi unicorn”

“I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas” and other nonprofit holiday songs

Posted on by Vu

christmas-card-566305_960_720Hi everyone, happy holidays. I hope that you are taking it easy these next couple of weeks. This week, instead of reading serious articles about our sector, I learned about the dark origins of Christmas carols. Apparently, back in the olden days, carolers were drunk hooligans who went door-to-door demanding to be let in and served your best food and booze, and could get rowdy and belligerent if you turn them away.

So of course, that inspired me to re-write some of our holiday songs. Why don’t you learn them, and then we can try old-school caroling as a novel fundraising technique. Suggest other #nonprofitholidaysongs in the comment section and on Twitter. Continue reading ““I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas” and other nonprofit holiday songs”