“Green Eggs and Strategic Plans” and other nonprofit children’s books

Hi everyone, I am happy to announce that my wife and I are expecting another baby, due in March. I know, you’d think we would have learned our lesson the first time. I am excited and, honestly, a little terrified. Having a newborn and a toddler at the same time, that must be as challenging as, I don’t know, planning two annual fundraising events simultaneously.

Anyway, in honor of this soon-to-arrive baby, I wrote more children’s books about nonprofits. I want to build up a nice collection of books about nonprofits, so I can read them to the kids so they can understand what Daddy does and why one of his eyes twitches so much. And maybe they might start thinking early about pursuing careers in our sector. I mean, I’m not going to pressure them or anything, but a little encouragement can’t hurt.

Here are the texts for some books below. Meanwhile, if you haven’t read them, check out “If You Give a Board Treasurer a Cookie and Other Nonprofit Children’s Books” and “Where the Sustainable Things Are and Other Nonprofit Children’s Books.”

Good night, special event

In the great banquet hall
There was a stage
And bottles of wine
And some party favors
And some signs.
There were drink concoctions,
and items from the silent auction
And two registration tables
And an extension cable
And bowls of tickets for the raffle
And three drunk guests who seem baffled
And laptop and screen and credit card machine
And a quiet janitor who was starting to clean
Goodnight hall
Goodnight wine
Goodnight party favors
Goodnight signs
Goodnight stage
Goodnight drink concoctions
And goodnight items in the silent auction
Goodnight tables
Goodnight cables
Goodnight laptop
And good night screen
And good night credit card machine.
Good night raffle
Good night raise-the paddle
And goodnight drunk guests slightly baffled
Goodnight janitor
Goodnight fears
Goodnight night terrors till next year

 

I am an Operations Bunny

I am an operations bunny. My name is Nicholas. I live in an office.

In the spring, I like to pick vendors.
I chase consultants and contractors, and they chase me.

In the summer, I like to sit at my desk and organize HR files.
And I like to watch to make sure all IT systems are working.

When it rains, I keep us dry under an umbrella insurance policy
I work with the team to develop strategy for growth.

In the fall, I like to watch for potential legal noncompliance.
I supervise staff and help to create strong work plans

And, when winter comes, I watch the W2s arrive in the mail.
Then, I curl up in my office and dream about the next fiscal year.

 

Are you my board chair?

An Executive Director sat at a board meeting. “Uh oh!” said the ED, “board elections are almost here! I need to find a new board chair!”

She looked left. No one volunteered. She looked right. No one volunteered. “I will go find someone,” she said. So away she went.

She came to the board vice president. “Are you my new board chair?”

The vice president just looked and looked. He did not say a thing.

She came to the board secretary. “Are you my new board chair?”

“Not in a million years!” said the board secretary.

The board vice president was not her new board chair. The board secretary was not her new board chair. So the ED went on. “I have to find a new board chair. But where is this person? Who could they be?”

She came to the treasurer. “Are you my new board chair?”

“Oh hell no!”

The board vice president and secretary were not her board chair. The treasurer was not her new board chair. Can she find a new board chair?

“I will find a new board chair,” she said, “I have to find one. I will, I WILL!”

Then she saw a particularly engaged major donor. She called out to him. But the major donor did not respond.

“Why is this so difficult?! I just want my board chair!”

Then something happened. The chair of the development committee dropped by. “Are you my new board chair?” asked the ED.

“Well, let me think about it. I’m not even on the board.”

“OMG, please, please!”

“OK, fine. I’ll join the board and be your new board chair.”

 

Greens eggs and strategic plans

I am Ed. I am Ed. Ed-I-Am.

That Ed-I-Am! That Ed-I-Am! I do not like that Ed-I-Am!

Do you like strategic plans?

I do not like them, Ed-I-Am!
I do not like strategic plans!

Would you like one this fiscal year?

I would not like one this fiscal year!
I do not like them, get out of here!
I do not like strategic plans.
I do not like them, Ed-I-Am.

Would you read one with some hummus?
Would you read one with a stone of pumice?

I do not like them with some hummus.
I do not like them with a pumice.
I do not like them this fiscal year.
I do not like them, get out of here!
I do not like strategic plans.
I do not like them, Ed-I-Am.

Would you read one by yourself?
Or would you read one with an elf?

Not by myself. Not with an elf.
Not with some hummus. Not with a pumice.
I would not read a strategic plan.
I do not like them, Ed-I-Am.

Would you? Could you? In the morn?
Read a plan with a unicorn?

I would not, could not, in the morn,
Read one with a unicorn.
I will not read one by myself.
I will not read one with an elf.
Not with some hummus.
Not with a stone made of pumice.
I do not like strategic plans.
I do not like them, Ed-I-Am.

You do not like them. So you say.
Read one! Read one! And you may!
Read one and you may, I say.

Ed! If you let me be,
I will read one, you will see.
…
…
…
Say! I like strategic plans!
I do! I like them, Ed-I-Am.
And I would read one in the morn.
And I would read one with a unicorn.
And I would read one with some hummus.
And I would read them with a pumice.
And I would read one, have no fear!
I will read one this fiscal year!
I do so like strategic plans!
Thank you! Thank you, Ed-I-am!
And now I have read one by myself.
I’m putting it right back on the shelf.

If you like these stories, check out “If You Give a Treasurer a Cookie and other nonprofit children’s books” and “Where the Sustainable Things Are and other nonprofit children’s books“

—

Make Mondays suck a little less. Get a notice each Monday morning when a new post arrives. Subscribe to NWB by scrolling to the top right of this page and enter in your email address. Also, join the NWB Facebook community for daily hilarity.