[ Hi everyone, this is the last post of this calendar year. NAF will take a short break and will return with a feisty article on January 6th, 2020. Happy holidays! ]
As the year winds down, I know you are getting inundated with appeal letters from dozens of nonprofits. This letter is one of them. Just like other missions, we are writing to ask you to give money so we can keep vital programs and services running. And don’t worry, despite all those memes floating around about nonprofits spending 94 cents of every dollar on luxury cars and unicorn steaks or whatever, the money you donate is being put to good use. By being spent on staff, who do all of the work, along with critical things like office rent, utilities, etc. Your support makes it all possible.
Let me insert a story designed to affect you emotionally. Our program director Katie had terrible dental pains caused by her wisdom teeth, but we could not afford to give staff health insurance AND dental insurance. For months, she just carried on, but it really affected the program. The kids we serve could not understand what she was saying due to all the agonized mumbling. It made consoling them when ICE raided their parents’ workplaces a little more challenging. But thanks to donors like you last year, we were able to upgrade our healthcare from Copper to Copper Plus, which includes dental! Katie was finally able to get her wisdom teeth removed (with a $1200 deductible that she can pay off gradually with interest)! The afterschool program is stronger than ever!
Hi everyone! It’s the holiday season, which means many of you are hosting parties. Spruce up your gatherings with these cocktails below and prepare to wow your colleagues*. Also check out parts 1 and 2 of this series, “Nonprofit Cocktail Recipes” and “9 Nonprofit-Inspired Cocktail Recipes for Your Holiday Party.” Share your own recipes in the comment section, or on Twitter using #NonprofitThemedCocktails. (*Please consult with your doctor and/or a mixologist before implementing these recipes below).
1.The Founder Syndrome
2 oz absinthe
1 oz chilled grapefruit juice
4 oz cold water
Splash of Peychaud’s (or Angostura’s or whatever bitters you have lying around)
absinthe spoon (or a fork) over a cocktail glass. Place the sugar cube on top
of spoon or fork. Pour absinthe onto the sugar cube and into the glass. Set the
sugar cube on fire. Wait 10 seconds or until flame goes out. Slowly drip cold
water onto the sugar cube until it is dissolved. Add the rest of the water,
along with grapefruit juice and splash of Peychaud’s. Was once on fire; can be
great in small doses at the right time, but otherwise overwhelming and bitter.
A couple of weeks ago, I asked the NAF Facebook community, “What are creative ways you are thinking of in terms of retirement? Me, collecting kitchen gadgets in hope that these cherry pitter and pickle grabber etc., will appreciate in value!” The comments that came back were hilarious, because this is a group of brilliant, witty, and extremely good-looking folks. Here are a few:
“I intend to die in whatever museum I’m
working in, and have my corpse be mistaken for part of the exhibit program.
Until a century later, when an intern is cleaning they figure out that I’m that
curator who disappeared. It’s the price of fame.”
“Dumpster dive former board members homes.”
“Relying on my love of the outdoors, because I’ll be living
in a tent. When I’m ready to die, it’ll be with honor- just wandering into the
forest and letting the coyotes eat me.”
“I plan on selling black market pies at the train station.
Not kidding. I make excellent pie.”
“Work until I die – in debt”
“Commune / small house community with
all of the other women I know who gave their best years to the cause and never
got enough in salary or retirement benefits to be able to “plan” for
“I feel like Pokémon will still being a thing in like 40
years, so hopefully I can sell the cards that I hoarded in 1999 to help make
the student loan payments I’ll have until I die.”
“I’ve thought about dying at my desk”
“Counting on society to totally collapse before then, so
currency and debt will be meaningless.”
“I plan on dying on the phone line, most likely in the
middle of an ask.”
“My retirement plan is climate change and/or the total
collapse of late stage capitalism.”
Hi everyone, Halloween, my favorite holiday, is this week. So here are some scary stories that are guaranteed to send tingles up your spine. Make sure you don’t read these alone. Also, if you’re looking for nonprofit-themed Halloween costumes, check out #NonprofitHalloweenCostumes on Twitter (“Dress in yellow clothing. Wear a brown hat. Say things like ‘We will triple the number of people served.’ You are a Strategic Flan.”)
There was clearly something wrong with the chair. The
team had received it from an anonymous donor. It showed up in the office one
day, a shiny black executive swivel, ergonomic, with a headrest. Right away, it
gave off a strange vibe that the team had never felt before. Staff who sat on
it complained that it made them feel uneasy. Someone suggested they bring in a local
medium who was known to be able to purify negative energy in objects and rooms.
Hi everyone. Quick announcement: This Wednesday, 9/18, from 1pm to 2:30pm EST, the co-authors of Unicorns Unite and I are having a conversation about how all of us can work together more effectively as a sector. Join virtually (or in person in San Francisco). It’s free.
It may seem too early to write a Halloween-inspired post, but Halloween is awesome, so it’s never too early to get into the spirit. Also, next week’s post will likely be extremely serious and possibly get a whole bunch of you mad at me, so might as well butter you up with a lighter piece this week.
A few years ago, my partner took me to a haunted house. It was dark and spooky, with grisly lights and decorations and there was fog everywhere and people dressed up like zombies and serial killers and sometimes they would chase you while holding chainsaws and screaming. So basically very much like our sector!
This gave me an idea. We need a nonprofit-themed haunted house! Here is what one might look like. Thanks to everyone on the NAF Facebook page who contributed ideas; and apologies that not all were incorporated and that individuals couldn’t be credited. Make sure you don’t read this by yourself at night, because it is terrifying. Add your thoughts in the comment section, and on Twitter with #NonprofitHauntedHouse