Nonprofit AF

Script for Lord of the Rings, if it were set in nonprofit and philanthropy

Posted on March 17, 2025March 18, 2025 by Vu

[Image description: A house built from a hill, with a round door, covered in plants, including a tree growing out of it. There’s a sign on the fence that says “No admittance except on party business.” This is a scene from Hobbiton, a set built for the Lord of the Rings movies. Image by Thandy Yung on Unsplash]

Hey everyone, hope you’re hanging in there. I’ve been watching my favorite movies as a break from the horrors of the real world. Some are very inspiring. Lord of the Rings, for example, has lots of parallels to our world, including an all-consuming evil and band of heroes trying to save the world. Which, of course, makes me think about what if LOTR were set in our sector. Below is the sample script. Let me know what you think.

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SCENE 1: RIVENDELL

GANDALF: Despite our best efforts, Sauron has awoken. We have never faced such a threat. As we speak, his forces of foul orcs and Uruk-hai march across all of Middle Earth, laying waste to the land, bringing terror and destruction, especially to the most vulnerable.

ELROND: We must form a fellowship and journey to cast this Ring of Capitalism into Mt. Doom while the rest prepare for war. That’s the only way to defeat Sauron and his evil.

BOROMIR: One does not simply end capitalism. Even with the finest warriors in the land, the odds do not favor us.

FRODO: Still, we cannot stand still and watch the people we care about get slaughtered. You have my organizing skills.

ARAGORN: And you have my advocacy expertise.

LEGOLAS: You have my grantwriting skills.

GIMLI: And you have my logic model.

ELROND: Excellent. Then let us—

SAM: What about you, Mister Elrond sir? You have all the gold and mithril. Will you contribute them to the fight?

ELROND: We have been giving out 5% of our gold every year for you all to fight evil. If we give out more to fight Sauron, we will deplete our cache and then what happens when Sauron is defeated, where’s the funding to rebuild?

SAM: But Mister Elrond, we won’t be able to defeat Sauron if we don’t have enough resources. He’s burning everything to the ground. There won’t be anything to rebuild!

LEGOLAS: He does have a point…Maybe we should increase the gold we give out, from 5% each year to—

ELROND (raises up one hand): We elves do not meddle in the affairs of the lesser beings of Middle Earth. We watch from a distance, giving out 5% of our riches, and then we go to the West to the Undying Lands, the Land of Perpetuity, where as usual none of this really affects us.

Ask Vu: Love, Dating, and Romance Advice for Nonprofit Professionals, part 2

Posted on February 10, 2025February 10, 2025 by Vu

[Image description: Two swans in the water, embracing. Image by Moonzigg on Pixabay]

Hi everyone. Valentine’s Day (aka Single Awareness Day) is coming up this week, which means romance may be on many people’s minds. In this week’s post, I am giving advice to colleagues on their dating and relationship dilemmas. I don’t know anything about this stuff, but I’m sure it’s exactly like nonprofit and philanthropy. Make sure you check out Part 1.

Dear Vu: I’ve been involved with someone for a few months now, but it’s clear we’re not compatible. I’ve been hinting to them that I’m going to focus more time on my work and family, but they keep sending texts and calling and inviting me to hang out all the time. What should I do? Definitely Over, Not Engaging

Dear DONE: In trying to spare their feelings, you have not been clear in your communications. It is much kinder in the long run to be direct and honest, so schedule a one-on-one meeting with this person with a witness present. Let them know that your state is a romantic at-will state and that you are terminating the relationship without cause. Offer an emotional severance package. Depending on how long they were with you, this could be a few weeks or months of communication and exchanging funny memes by text. Ask if they would be amenable to an exit interview. Before you do all this though, inform the rest of your partners so they are in the loop. I hope that helps. Good luck.

“Raise the chainsaw” and other tips to inject more masculine energy into nonprofit and philanthropy!

Posted on January 20, 2025January 21, 2025 by Vu

[Profile of a rooster with bright red comb and wattle (the fleshy part that dangles under its beak is called a wattle. Don’t say you never learn anything useful from this site!), his beak open. A majestic, masculine bird. Image by Leuchtpunkt on pixabay]

Recently, Mark Zuckerberg said that “feminine energy” has been “neutering” companies, and what they need is more masculine energy! He is on to something; society’s focus on woke/feminine values like “equity” and “respect” and “personal hygiene” have turned us all soft and ineffective. Luckily, there has been a recent general resurgence of manliness, seen for example in alpha bros cutting short their long eyelashes because manly men do not have heart-stoppingly dreamy come-hither looks.

With all that in mind, I’ve come up with a list of things we can implement to make our sector more masculine:

Script for The Matrix, if it were set in nonprofit and philanthropy

Posted on January 6, 2025January 8, 2025 by Vu

[Image description: A hand, pointing straight at the camera, while concentric circles of ones and zeroes in green text, as well as a curtain of green codes, appear in the foreground and background. Image by geralt on Pixabay]

Welcome back to work, everyone. I hope your holiday break was restful. I was able to hang out with my kids, and when they were asleep, binge-watched all the episodes of Shogun; it was glorious! But now we’re back to the grind, and it is cold and miserable. Sometimes, I think the people who believe we exist in a computer simulation may be on to something, and I find myself looking around, trying to break the fourth wall, hoping whoever is running this simulation would just give us all a reprieve from all this. Maybe they could simulate a world where the forces of good win for once.

Anyway, I’m reminded of the movie The Matrix, where the main character, played by Keanu Reeves, realizes he’s been living in a simulation, trapped along with other humans by sentient machines that are using humans as batteries while creating a fake reality to subdue them and keep them from rebelling. Of course, that makes me think about our sector, and what it would be like if The Matrix were set in nonprofit and philanthropy:

“What the skibbidi Ohio sigma rizz?!” Gen Alpha slang explained for nonprofit professionals

Posted on December 17, 2024December 17, 2024 by Vu

[Image description: A cute brown baby goat, staring directly at the camera. This goat is the GOAT, no cap. Image by NoName_13 on Pixabay]

Hi everyone, this will be the last blog post before the holiday break. I’ll be back on January 7^th. I hope you’re taking some time to rest and recharge and make happy memories with friends and family.

Having two kids who are Gen Alpha (those born 2010 and on) means I have to deal with their sassy remarks all the time. Like when I told the 11-year-old about my prized Casio calculator watch—the height of watch technology back in those days, hundreds of moons ago—and he said “I’m surprised you didn’t just wrap a leaf around your wrist and glue on an acorn!”

Over the past year, their sassiness started including wacky slang I had never heard before. “Skibbidi Ohio rizz” one would shout, and the other would reply with “gyat,” laughing. When I asked the 11-year-old to explain all this stuff to me, the 8-year-old interrupted with, “Don’t tell Daddy! He’s cringe! If he uses our language, it will plunge us all into chaos!”

Ha! These little dudes don’t know their father is a master of something called “googling.”