Welcome back to work, everyone. I hope your holiday break was restful. I was able to hang out with my kids, and when they were asleep, binge-watched all the episodes of Shogun; it was glorious! But now we’re back to the grind, and it is cold and miserable. Sometimes, I think the people who believe we exist in a computer simulation may be on to something, and I find myself looking around, trying to break the fourth wall, hoping whoever is running this simulation would just give us all a reprieve from all this. Maybe they could simulate a world where the forces of good win for once.
Anyway, I’m reminded of the movie The Matrix, where the main character, played by Keanu Reeves, realizes he’s been living in a simulation, trapped along with other humans by sentient machines that are using humans as batteries while creating a fake reality to subdue them and keep them from rebelling. Of course, that makes me think about our sector, and what it would be like if The Matrix were set in nonprofit and philanthropy:
SCENE 1. NONPROFIT OFFICE. DAYTIME.
NEON sits on a duct-taped-patched swivel chair at his desk, which is piled high with reports, random paperwork, sticky notes, and granola bar wrappers. On his computer screen is a Word document with a chart on it. He is typing numbers into a small desk calculator.
NEON (under his breath): A budget in Word? What kind of asshole funder asks for that?!
There is a ping coming from his phone. He looks at it. “Follow the sticky dots.” He looks around, surprised to find a trail of round dot stickers leading out of the office.
SCENE 2. A PARKING GARAGE. NIGHTIME.
MOBIUS, a grizzled man, and EQUITY, a mysterious woman, both wearing sunglasses and dressed in clothing from Ross Dress for Less, approach Neon.
MOBIUS: Neon, you’ve been living in the Nonprofit Matrix, a world controlled by wealthy individuals and corporations, who created a sector to delude people from seeing how they’re hoarding money, avoiding taxes, and furthering inequity while convincing people they are the solutions to the problems they cause.
NEON: What are you talking about? I’m a good person. My nonprofit helps a lot of people.
EQUITY: That’s true, it does. But remember that improv workshop you took once, where you learned about “Yes and”?
NEO: Yes. And?
EQUITY: You are helping people AND you are helping capitalism uphold itself by charity-washing its most egregious offenses. You see, by setting up foundations and donating to nonprofits, the extremely wealthy get to feel good about themselves while the masses are tricked into believing excessively wealthy people are good. This is how wealth disparity maintains itself.
MOBIUS pulls out two containers, holding one in each hand. Equity pulls out a spoon from her pocket.
MOBIUS: We don’t have much time. Eat the edamame hummus and you go back to what you’ve known. Eat the roasted red pepper hummus, and we’ll show you the truth.
Neo hesitates, then takes the spoon out of Equity’s hand and uses it to eat a bite of the roasted red pepper hummus.
NEON: I don’t feel any different.
MOBIUS: You should feel fuller. Keeping nonprofit workers busy and subsisting on granola bars is a tactic Capitalists use to prevent nonprofit workers from having the energy to start an uprising. That’s why those of us on the resistance eat hummus. It’s full of protein and fiber.
EQUITY: We need to go. The Agents will be here soon.
NEON: Can I have the hummus for later?
MOBIUS: Of course. You’ll need both hummus to maintain your strength for the fights ahead.
SCENE 3. COMMUNITY CENTER. NIGHT.
NEON is surrounded by MOBIUS, Equity, and several of their crew members, all looking at him with suspicion. They are all crammed into a tiny room that is filled with broken chairs, 20-year-old gala program booklets, and long-expired cans of beets someone donated.
NEON: This is the resistance headquarters? Is that a…fax machine?
MOBIUS: It’s the perfect cover. No one looks for revolutionaries in a run-down office with a supply closet that also doubles as a conference room.
EQUITY: (Adjusting her glasses, also bought at Ross): Also, we’ve been having trouble with money, since few of the wealthy want to fund us to take down the system that keeps them wealthy. Luckily, a few good people cross our path. (She nods at a mustached man) Slider, tell him your story.
SLIDER: I used to be a Capitalist (stares into the distance), born with a silver spoon. But I saw the truth and joined the resistance. I was able to provide some funds to the cause for a while. But now my family has disowned me and cut me off.
MOBIUS (pulls up an article on his phone): Look at this, Neon, a study on some of the wealthiest families in the country found that they pay a much lower tax rate than lower-income individuals when you figure in unrealized capital gains. And many corporations use various loopholes to avoid paying taxes.
EQUITY: Many of these corporations donate to nonprofits a small fraction that they should rightfully pay in taxes, and we praise them, allowing them to justify their misdeeds. We even convince ourselves it’s a good thing. Meanwhile, some wealthy families form foundations. They only need to give out 5% of their endowments each year…and all their operating expenses, including their staff salaries, count toward that 5%. Many put money into Donor-Advised Funds, which have no legal requirements to give that money to nonprofits at all.
NEON (horrified): Is this…is this real?
MOBIUS (pulls out a stack of paper): Yes. And they find ways to distract us from the truth. Here are all the grants we applied to and got rejected from. Hours of labor wasted. This one wanted innovation…but only if it also has a proven track record. All meaningless tasks designed to keep us frustrated and exhausted with word counts and logic models, so we don’t rise up.
NEON: That one there…that’s the foundation I was writing a proposal for.
EQUITY: Why do you think they want a budget in Word? I mean, what kind of asshole asks for a budget in Word format? It’s to keep you too busy and enraged to see the truth.
Suddenly the room starts rattling violently. A can of beets fell of the table and rolled along the floor.
MOBIUS: They’ve found us. But how?!
The door bursts open, and AGENT BRAYDEN appears, looking sharp in a tailored suit, hair slicked back. He adjusts his expensive sunglasses.
BRAYDEN (coldly): Well well well. Another ragtag group of drones questioning the system. When will you Ross-Dress-for-Less-clad people learn. Mr. Slider, thank you for the tip.
Everyone turns to Slider.
SLIDER: I’m sorry! They offered me a way back into The Nonprofit Matrix! I want to be treated like a donor again, a hero! I miss the groveling, the handwritten thank-you notes, the laughing at all my jokes whether they’re funny or not. I know it’s mostly fake! I don’t care! This has been too hard! I want an ergonomic chair! And I’m so sick of hummus!
NEON (standing up, clutching a rolled up, printed-out rejected grant proposal, turns to face Brayden): Pay your fair share of taxes and stop hoarding money and then getting to dictate which issues get attention and resources based on your fickle whims!
BRAYDEN: Neon, return to the Matrix. We’ll make sure that proposal you were working on gets funded. I might even recommend to the foundation to make it multi-year general operating. You don’t want to fight this system, Neon. You won’t win.
Neon, filled with righteous anger and with his strength restored from the hummus, flings the printed-out grant proposal at Brayden. It gives him a papercut on his cheek.
BRAYDEN: Eeek, I am so suing you! I have a team of lawyers, and you have…a fax machine! Come on, Slider, let’s get out of here.
They leave.
SCENE 4. OUTSIDE THE COMMUNITY CENTER. EARLY MORNING.
MOBIUS: Now you see the truth, Neon. You want to join us in the fight against this oppressive system called Capitalism?
EQUITY (staring at the sunrise): Our chance of winning is slim. But the more of us that wake up and rise up, the better our odds. That’s what the system is afraid of. That’s why it tries so hard to stop us.
NEON (nodding solemnly): I’m in. But just wondering…how do we survive while we’re doing this? It doesn’t seem like we’re getting paid much.
MOBIUS: Well, there’s always canned beets and hummus!
They all laugh jovially. As the camera pans out, we can hear Neon say “But seriously, what are we going to do about retirement?” The camera focuses on the fax machine, which is printing out a notice from Brayden’s lawyer.
FADE OUT.
