Hi everyone. Valentine’s Day (aka Single Awareness Day) is coming up this week, which means romance may be on many people’s minds. In this week’s post, I am giving advice to colleagues on their dating and relationship dilemmas. I don’t know anything about this stuff, but I’m sure it’s exactly like nonprofit and philanthropy. Make sure you check out Part 1.
Dear Vu: I’ve been involved with someone for a few months now, but it’s clear we’re not compatible. I’ve been hinting to them that I’m going to focus more time on my work and family, but they keep sending texts and calling and inviting me to hang out all the time. What should I do? Definitely Over, Not Engaging
Dear DONE: In trying to spare their feelings, you have not been clear in your communications. It is much kinder in the long run to be direct and honest, so schedule a one-on-one meeting with this person with a witness present. Let them know that your state is a romantic at-will state and that you are terminating the relationship without cause. Offer an emotional severance package. Depending on how long they were with you, this could be a few weeks or months of communication and exchanging funny memes by text. Ask if they would be amenable to an exit interview. Before you do all this though, inform the rest of your partners so they are in the loop. I hope that helps. Good luck.
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Dear Vu: I have a well-paying job in the corporate sector. Recently my company sponsored a table at a nonprofit gala, where I met this amazing person who works at a senior center. We hit it off right away and have gone on a few dates. I feel this person is the one and I want to move the relationship to the next level, but they seem a little reluctant for some reason. How do I convince them I’m the real deal? Smitten but Uncertain In Tacoma
Dear SUIT: People sometimes get nervous when they’re dating someone who seems very different from them. For instance, if they’re of different religions, or if one person likes the Oxford Comma and the other is a fool. In your case, it may be because you’re from the corporate sector. Show them you understand what it’s like to work in nonprofit by dressing down a few levels and set your alarm to wake you up 3am each morning so you look tired all the time. While doing those things, also subtly demonstrate the benefits of being with someone who works in corporate. Donate money to their organization, treat them to organic blueberries, and drop hints about how your healthcare insurance covers partners and includes both vision AND dental.
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Dear Vu: I’ve been single for a long while. I’m interested in dating, but I can’t imagine being with anyone who is not engaged in fighting capitalism, oligarchy, and fascism. Everyone I’ve matched with seems to be more interested in brunch and hooking up than resistance to tyranny. Where and how do I find someone to is willing to be in the trenches with me? Sincerely, Fighting Oppression in Missouri
Dear FOMO: Consider writing your online dating profiles to attract the kind of person you want. For instance, add “swipe right if you would punch a Nazi in the face.” Don’t limit your choices to just the internet, though. Attend protests and rallies. Volunteer with mutual aid groups. Make sure to practice some relevant pickup lines in case a revolutionary cutie catches your eyes, like “Is your name Social Justice? Because I’ve been dreaming about you.”
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Dear Vu: My partner’s love language is gifts, while mine is quality time. This has led to all sorts of frustrations, as I don’t care about getting stuff, and my attempts to plan out things we can do together seem to always be taken for granted. Please help. It’s been ruining our romantic chemistry! Sincerely, New Orleans Standoff in Planned Activities and Receiving Knick-knacks
Dear NOSPARK: Disparity in love languages is common among couples. Find ways where you both can get what you want. For example, schedule dates at fundraising events. You get to spend time with your partner, and while you’re there, maybe you can buy them a meaningful gift from the silent auction! Meanwhile, think about exploring other love languages you both might enjoy. There are tons of “acts of service” you can do for each other, if you know what I mean (wink). Renewing your partner’s car tabs before they expire can be so sexy.
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Dear Vu: I’m embarrassed to say this, but I’m deeply in love with someone. The problem is, with all the horrors going on in the world, I feel guilty. This fascist dumpster fire is raging uncontrollably, and I’m swooning because my crush remembered and made me my favorite snack (which is boiled peanuts with Cajun seasoning)? How do I let myself be happy when everything is falling apart, or should I even let myself be happy? Sentimental In Global Hellscape
Dear SIGH: Joy and love are things that make life worth living. They keep us going so we can continue to fight to make the world better. That’s why fascists hate them. If you can’t enjoy a bowl of boiled peanuts someone who cares about you lovingly prepared for you, then fascism has already won. Don’t let it win. Remember: joy and love and legumes cooked in unconventional ways are resistance!
That’s all the time we have. If you have additional questions, please put them in the comment section, and I will get to them as soon as we save democracy.
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