Hi everyone. The last three posts have dealt with serious topics, so for a change of pace, here are more classic nonprofit jokes. We nonprofit staff are always asked to come to parties. Well, you can be the life of any party with these jokes. Write yours in the comment section.
A Development Director walks into a bar and orders six shooters. “Rough day?” asks the bartender. “Yeah,” the DD responded, “My car got stolen and I walked home to find my house on fire and my dog missing.” “I can see why you ordered six shots,” said the bartender. “Oh, no,” said the Development Director, “These shots are for an annual event I have tomorrow.”
Why did the founding board member cross the road?
Don’t be ridiculous. A founding board member would never cross a road.
An ED was walking through the woods when he ran into a unicorn, who said, “I am a magical fundraising unicorn, and now that you have stumbled on me, I will grant you three wishes.” “First,” said the ED, “I want Bill Gates on my board.” “Done,” said the unicorn. “Second,” said the ED, “I want an endowment fund of $10million.” “Also done,” said the unicorn. “Third,” said the ED, “I want all funders to provide general operating support,” and at that moment, he woke up and realized he had fallen asleep while writing a 10-page grant for a restricted $5,000.
Staff at a nonprofit came into work to find that their office had been broken into and many things stolen.
“Oh no,” said the ED, “we got a check for a major donation at the event last night, and it was so late I thought we would deposit it today. I hope the thieves didn’t get it.”
“No worries,” said the Finance Director, “I put it some place no one would ever look in a million years.” He came back a moment later with the check.
“Where did you put it?” the ED asked.
“In a copy of our strategic plan.”
A nonprofit staff went on a blind date. At the end of the dinner, her date said, “OK, here’s how this works. I can pay for this dinner. But I need you to pay first. Then I will reimburse you. However, I can’t pay for the drinks or appetizers or the sales tax or the tips. And the check will take 4 to 16 months to arrive.”
“Uh…OK…,” she said, “Now, remind me what do you do again?”
“I work in government. Contracting department.”
An ED decided to get an executive coach. “OK,” said the coach during their first session, “this month I want you to try spending more time on the balcony.” The next month the ED came back glowing. “I did what you said. I spent more time thinking about strategies and less time on day-to-day tasks. And everything is so much better.” “Great,” said the coach, “This month I want you to try flipping your iceberg.” The next session, the ED came back glowing. “I did it! I flipped my iceberg and focused on using skills that I was rusty on. And everything is so much better!” “Great,” said the coach, but she was running out of metaphors. She decided to make some up. “This month,” she said, “I want you to, uh, lasso a leprechaun, ride the T-Rex, and tickle the badger.” The next session, the ED came back looking sad. “What’s wrong?” asked the coach. “Well, I did what you suggested. I hired a Development Director, and that was great. We put on an annual event, and that was OK. But then I joked with our founding board member about revising our mission statement…”
An ED, a Director of Operations, a Development Director, a Communications Director, a Program Director, and a Volunteer Director walk into a bar. Best retreat ever!
For more jokes, see “8 classic nonprofit jokes to tell at parties.”